Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
