He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
