i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize