she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
