OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
