I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
