piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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