the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
