i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
