im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
