Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
