haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
