You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
