Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
