Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
