so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
