Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
