oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
