you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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