A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
