Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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