Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
