I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
