I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
