I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
