My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
