oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
