They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
