Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
