loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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