garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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