I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
