I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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