Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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