don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
