We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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