I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
