I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
