So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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