do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do vagina's smell?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
