So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are a genius and a whore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
