I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ok first of all what the fuck
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
