I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
