i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
