Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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