He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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