im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
