He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
