Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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