Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
