dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if only i could text you this smell
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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