I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
