Don't make out with my wife yet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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