Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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