I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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