I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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