I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
