and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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