it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
