So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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