it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
