wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
