drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
