I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize