dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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