There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
