So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
