I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
