you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
