Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize